Healthy adult mode does not always emerge. This mode occurs more frequently in individuals who had a happy, disciplined, fluent childhood without being spoiled. For those who were bullied in their childhood and grew up spoiled and undisciplined, very little will emerge.
Despite this, there are certain methods to reveal more. In order to activate this mode, especially in situations of anger, decision, extreme happiness, excessive desire/demand, that is, in extreme emotions, it is necessary to think about "How the healthy adult mode will behave in this process".
To do this, it will be necessary to know this mode well and understand how it affects our behavior. Instead of imagining like a superhero, we need to understand that that mode is also our way of behaving. It will also be important at this stage to identify events that cause us to react in other modes.
We may try to protect the hurt child mode within us, which we hide and avoid revealing, with extreme anger in the face of statements such as "you are unsuccessful in this regard." These warnings may even contain insults and profanities. Although our anger at this may seem justified at first, there are hundreds of ways we can evaluate and react in a more sane way. In fact, activating the healthy adult mode in these situations will benefit those who will react harshly and push them into healthy adult modes.
As a result, activating this mode will not cause our rights to be usurped, our demands to be rejected, or to reveal our helplessness. First of all, it is necessary to get rid of such fears. On the contrary, this mode cooperates with other modes and allows us to overcome it calmly.
When we are exposed to mobbing in an environment where we have to be, for example in a work environment, first the hurt child mode and then the angry child mode comes into play within us. However, it is the healthy adult mode that struggles with this and avoids fights and chaos and develops patience and constructive methods for the situation/person. In this case, it is the detached protective mode that tries to escape instead of dealing with the problems, for example, by running away from the situation directly and eating unhealthy food in the evening, smoking / drinking excessively and causing health problems. It creates not coping with problems, but escaping them. Here, we can satisfy that mode by finding healthier and more useful ways to avoid it, as well as quickly get into healthy adult mode.
Preparing coping cards in these types of modes can also be considered a good method. These cards should not be prepared when you are angry, angry, etc., but rather when you are in a healthy adult mode, otherwise they may be prepared in a punitive mode. By setting realistic goals, ways should be found to both console and correct the injured party. For example, for those who drink alcohol, this can be limited and we should take note of what kind of person we imagine ourselves to be. It is important what kind of person we dream of being. "I don't want to be a person who swears, I may get angry, but I have to evaluate it logically, I will replace all my swearing with hay bin beaver", "When I get angry, I will eat yoghurt instead of heavy foods", "When I feel unsuccessful, I will achieve a small success in something I know well instead of drinking alcohol / smoking". ..
We must also gain awareness about the extent of happiness and unhappiness. It is not possible to feel happy all the time, and the level of unhappiness may be normal. We must pay attention to this and understand that this is not pure unhappiness. The absence of extreme happiness is not abnormal.
At the same time, we must know the limits of our power. We must make our programs more realistic. This is possible in the healthy adult mode, but we can engage in programs and tasks that are very difficult to do in other modes. When we cannot do this, we feel like a failure. We must consider balance and needs.
Essentially, to make the healthy adult mode more active, we must basically catch the mode that often arises within us. We need to find our mood that wakes up most often and determine where it wakes up. Here, in order to reveal the adult mode for ourselves, we must identify the openings of other modes, gain awareness of them and quickly close them. First we get into the habit, and after a while we can ensure that it does not open at all.
